Now we come to bring thee honor...

Graduation season has come and gone, another year of young minds eager to learn from their own mistakes unleashed onto the world. My high school graduation was long, I didn't know most of the people, and I spent most of the time reading 'Dante's Inferno' which I had hidden under my robe.

The principal began the ceremony by letting us know that "As [he] was working out at the gym this morning, [he] thought of all of [us]...."

The salutatorian mocking that great man by reminding us we were "world class mavs" (a phrase thrown at us at every morning announcements, football game, soccer game, and chess meet), and mentioning a local radio morning show because "they said they would give me 50 bucks if I did." And then our rather red and irritated principal got back up to wag his finger and tell him to "take this more seriously."

Some people, however, had pretty awesome speeches...and I have gathered my three favorites here. I would suggest to any principal or valedictorian to use a large projector and play one of these at their next event...you could even voice over whenever they mention the school name and get the computer class to photoshoot the school mascot and colors into the video. If nothing else steal the transcript outright and you too can be as brilliant as these three comedians.

Coming in at number 3 is Ellen Degeneres at Tulane.

Second, but not first, is Eugene Mirman at Lexington High School.

At least make it to 2:45 on this one...gold, comedic gold.

And always the greatest, at number 1 is Conan O'Brien at Dartmouth.